Star Warts
by chisscientist
Summary: Because Star Wars deserves to be parodied. Chapter Three: The Trouble with Asteroid Fields...
1. Chapter One: The End

_Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, nor do I make any money from this._

Star Warts

The End

As Darth Finis stretched his arm out over the seven galaxies, Omega Skywalker ducked underneath and plunged his lightsaber into the Universe Destroyer, shorting out the terrible weapon and killing Darth Finis and his Sith Apprentice, Darth Epilogue. Unfortunately, this signaled the backup superweapon to explode, destroying the Universe and finally ending the Star Wars Saga.

A/N: because if the Star Wars writers keep upping the ante, they will eventually run out of ante to up.


	2. The Korriban Academy Bloopers

**The Korriban Academy Bloopers**

With thanks to the authors of _Non Campus Mentis_, _Star Wars_ and_ KOTOR_, none of whom are me. No money is being made here, and this is strictly for your and my amusement.

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My dear rivals and colleagues, here's the compilation I promised you of student bloopers from The Force 100A and B, Sith History 100, and Current Events 101. May you laugh maniacally!

**Introduction to the Farce:**

The Force is called the Force because it's sort of like electricity. You can use it to electrocute people.

The Farce is called the Force because it's Forceful!

The reason the Jedi are losing is because the dark side is more powerful than the light side, but they refuse to use the power of love which is more powerful than either.

The Sith Code

There is no peace, there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain love.

Through love, I gain children.

Through children, I gain frustration.

Through frustration, I gain anger.

Through anger I gain power!

The Force is like duct tape because it has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together (1).

**Current Events 101:**

The current leader of the Sith is Darth Raven. His apprentice is Darth Mary Ann. They used to be Jedi, but left because they were bored and wanted to fight in the Mandalorian Wars. Darth Mary Anne's original name is Alec Squinquargessimus(2), while Darth Raven's is Garry Stu. They're now conquering the galaxy and are therefore no longer bored.

Admiral Saul Karath joined the Sith and betrayed Telus because he thought the Sith were the wave of the future and Sith Uniforms looked cooler than the Republic ones.

The Republic's Not-So-Secret weapon is Bastille Shame. She has a rare farce ability called battle mediation.

Darth Revan wears a mask in order to celebrate the Cathar Massacre, in which she almost participated. It helps hide her acne, too (3).

**Sith History 100**

The Sith were founded by Freedom Nadd. We have to visit his tomb before we can graduate. I mean the Sith order was founded by him, not the Sith species. They are extinct, and this is why Twi'leks are allowed to be Jedi(4).

The Sith'ari is Darth Raven. This means he will turn the galaxy upside down and shake it until all the weak bits fall off.

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Author's notes:

1) This is an old, old joke. I don't know who invented it, but it certainly wasn't me.

2) This is Malak's canonical original name. I'm not making this up!

3) Revan really, really needs to pick a gender.

4) Some students really need to learn how to express themselves clearly in writing. Some training in logic might be helpful, too.


	3. The Trouble with Asteroid Fields

_Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas_

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**The Trouble with Asteroid Fields...**

Han Solo turned the Millennium Falcon into the asteroid field, hoping to leave the less maneuverable Star Destroyers behind. He rounded the next asteroid and stared. The place was just about empty - the only asteroid he could see was a little blip nearly 100 km away. "What the kriff!" yelled Han. The Millennium Falcon shuddered as the imperial tractor beam hit.

Leia opened her mouth to speak, but Threepio beat her to it.

"Everyone knows that asteroid belts are far too sparse to hide in," said Threepio. "Evidence to the contrary comes only from the movies. We're doomed!"

"I didn't ask your opinion, Goldenrod," said Han as the tractor beam reeled them in.


End file.
